


Birds and the Bees

by rent_a_gundam, rubyofkukundu



Series: Rent-a-Gundam [48]
Category: Gundam & Related Fandoms, Gundam 00
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/M, Humor, Parenthood, Pegging
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-27
Updated: 2010-03-27
Packaged: 2017-11-27 03:03:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/657341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rent_a_gundam/pseuds/rent_a_gundam, https://archiveofourown.org/users/rubyofkukundu/pseuds/rubyofkukundu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Anew walks in on Kati and Patrick one morning, Patrick gets the unenviable task of giving her 'the talk'. Luckily for Anew, Patrick goes about it in his normal eloquent way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Birds and the Bees

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of the sprawling Rent-a-Gundam series: a university/rent-boy!AU that was co-written by Veda, Auto, Orange and Typo.
> 
> Only a portion of the RAG fics have been posted on AO3. For all other fics in the series, check out the Rent-a-Gundam journal: <http://rent-a-gundam.livejournal.com>
> 
> ***
> 
> This particular story was written by Veda (rubyofkukundu).
> 
> Originally posted here: <http://rent-a-gundam.livejournal.com/74504.html>

While Patrick thinks that becoming a parent might just be one of the best things he's ever done, there are some parts of being a father that he'd rather not have to cope with.  
  
Like, for example, his 5 year-old daughter walking in on Kati fucking him with a strap-on at 8am on a Sunday morning.  
  
Kati had offered to go and explain things to Anew, but Patrick had stopped her. As the man of the house, Patrick knew that this was a burden that he would have to bear. Kati had looked a little like she hadn't believed he could do it, but she had smiled encouragingly anyway, and said that he could call on her for help if he needed to.  
  
Patrick had been determined that he wouldn't need to take Kati up on her offer, but now, as he sits on the couch, with Anew next to him, staring up at him with her big, wide, innocent eyes, Patrick's not so sure.  
  
He's not going to fall at the first hurdle though. No way! He's not an ace for nothing! So he steels himself and then dives in.  
  
"Anew," he says, wishing she would stop staring at him like that, "there's something important that I have to explain to you." Anew nods, and for a panicky second, Patrick wonders if it would be possible to keep Anew innocent forever. Sadly, that's not really possible, especially not if Anew's going to wander into their bedroom unannounced again. "Um, right," he says, "you see, Anew, when a Mummy and a Daddy love each other very much, sometimes they like to show that by... _making love_ together, um, which is where..." Anew is still staring at him, all trusting and intelligent and, _oh God_ , "where the Daddy puts his... you know... his... in the Mummy's, ahem, uh... you see?"  
  
Anew nods again. "Penetrative sexual intercourse," she says.  
  
Patrick is so relieved that he nearly reels from the force of it. "Oh thank God you already know," he babbles, patting Anew on the back.  
  
"To facilitate reproduction," continues Anew, proving, once again, just what a clever little girl she is, "except in cases of infertility, when the prospective parents must resort to adoption instead," she beams at him. "Like you adopted me."  
  
Patrick's turned rather pale. "Er yes," he says, "like we adopted you..."  
  
Anew's smiling at him, and Patrick wishes that he could end the conversation, but there's still the little matter of just what Anew caught them doing.  
  
"But, you see, Anew, er, it's not just for making babies," he swallows nervously. "What you saw this morning, um... You see, there are lot's of different ways to... make love... and sometimes this involves the Mummy... um... putting a... well, a... into the Daddy's, er..."  
  
"Anus," says Anew.  
  
Patrick sputters. It feels like he almost accidentally inhaled his own tongue.  
  
"Repeated stimulation of the prostrate," continues Anew, as Patrick's busy choking, "produces feelings of arousal and will eventually result in..."  
  
"Right, well," says Patrick, bright red, his voice jumping an octave, "it sounds like you know everything there is to know there, Anew. Why don't you just go run along and play now, ok?"  
  
Anew looks at him, and for a second it looks like she's going to keep talking, so Patrick quickly shoos her off the couch. "Go on then," he says, "run along and play now, that's a good girl. Off you go."  
  
Patrick breathes a sigh of relief as she wanders off, and suddenly he hears Kati's voice behind him.  
  
"So," Kati asks, "how did it go?"  
  
"Fine!" says Patrick. "Absolutely no problem at all! Fine! No trouble! Fine!"  
  
If Kati doesn't believe him, she refuses to mention it.[](http://statcounter.com/)


End file.
